I've been on the road again, this week I was in Vermont with Rack Star Liz Ford. The day started when Liz picked me up from the airport, except she says it's just called the Post Office. She's a real nice lady. I could smell other pets on her but while I was with her she made me feel like I was the only one... First stop, Liz's office. Liz is a professional pool player and owns a pool league called the Green Mountain APA.
Liz has a super-sweet pool table. She said normally nobody should sit on a pool table, ever, but it was okay because we were F-list pool celebrities and therefore needed to pose on top of the table. F-list must be super special because my name's Frank and it starts with an “F.”
Liz said she needed some time to practice pool, but I had some ideas of my own...
The APA has this thing called The Equalizer®. It's what they use to handicap APA players and it's top secret.
I figured if I could get my hands on it, I could sell it on the black market and make enough for a lifetime supply of pig ears or maybe a crate that's not a cardboard box.
Unfortunately, Liz has a big human brain and was one step ahead of me. Sure, she can read and write and think and plan and stuff – but can she tell how good person has been by sniffing under their tail? I don't think I pissed her off too much, because she said if I wanted to work for the APA, she had a job for me. I get away with a lot of shenanigans because I'm super cute.
Soon it was time to go visit one of Liz's leagues. Liz said that she has the best job in the world because she gets to hang out and play pool with cool people in bars. Seems like there's a lot more to it than that but she was right about the humans – everybody smelled a-okay except I kept looking around to see if there was a skunk in the room...
Liz introduced me to Van who owns Van Phan Sports – Van asked me if I was one of those smart dogs that knew how to count. I said no and then she asked me if I wanted to play some blackjack, whatever that is.
I told her thanks for the invite but I'd rather just chill at the bar for a while.
And then the stuff that usually happens when I'm out at night started happening. For some reason, when I'm around, the bitches go a little crazy. Liz says that's not a very enlightened word to use, but that's just what I call females. Anyway, Liz and Van started dancing on top of the bar. I am a dog, after all – so of course I didn't turn down the opportunity to join in!
Hanging with Liz is a lot of fun, I think I could get used to being her little pet... Frank T. Dawg Out!
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