: PoolDawg Staff
It's improbable that anyone should need a guide to tell them how to be a bad sport – the people who ruin everyone else's good time seem to do it with such a natural ease that one might think the ability is innate. Just in case you struggle to make a public donkey out of yourself, here's the ultimate guide to rude and aggregious pool behavior. (For the irony-challenged reader: I advocate doing the opposite of everything on this list...)
Disrespect your opponent!
Make sure to let your opponent know that you are the much, much better player, even getting angry if this isn't enough to convince them that they should lose. You can always purposely distract them while they're shooting by dropping something or muttering obscenities, anything to keep them from playing their best, right?
Disrespect the equipment!
You should totally take out your anger on the balls, table, cues – heck even the furniture or walls – when you mess up. This is an expert move, but breaking your cue over you knee is a savvy way to get everyone in the room to respect and admire you.
While you're at it, disrespect everyone else, too!
Yell at your teammates, I'm sure those nice people deserve it. Don't follow any of the room or bar owner's rules: they just own the place, they're opinions don't matter like yours do, and what are they going to do, kick you out?
Show what a big boy or girl you are by overreacting to others' good fortune on the table, preferably loud enough for everyone to hear. Don't like the way the hard-working tournament director is putting on an event? Make sure to let everyone know that your non-existent event would be much, much better.
If you play in a handicapped tournament or league make sure to play really, really badly in front the director and encourage your teammates to do the same. You are so much more important than everyone else and you deserve to win no matter how dishonest you have to be!
Verbally root against the other player!
Never let your opponent scratch without you yelling “get in there!” That's straight-up class!
Chuck Norris isn't the only one who names his fists, so why not take “Laverne and Shirley” out for a spin if you can't seem to get your way.
This one is just so obvious, c'mon, rules are for suckers and other decent people – not for rockstar cowboys like you!
Talk on your cellphone during your match!
Your time is important, way more important than anyone else's, so use the downtime when your opponent is at the table to catch up on your calls.
Be the loudest person in the room!
A must! How else will everyone be paying attention to you all the time? It's not like you can count on your stellar game and benevolent personality.